On Saturday the rapper, “god” among men and noted fan of minimalist architecture Kanye West will marry professional famous person Kim Kardashian, whose resume as a model-actress-reality-star-designer-singer-Internet-personality surpasses those of all other multi-hyphenate Hollywood overachievers. It is the media event of the century, or something.
Here’s what you need to know about the holy matrimony about to occur between these pop culture juggernauts, together known as Kimye.
I don’t have time to read this, so just give me the cliff notes — preferably in the form of a song. Kanye closed out the harsh, industrial sounds of his 2012 LP Yeezus with the jarringly soulful “Bound 2.” The track is pretty much the definitive musical take on all things Kim and Kanye. On it, Kanye appears to address: their sex life in great detail; rumors that he once asked Kim for a threesome; the story of how they met (kind of—he doesn’t really remember); and his surprising realization that they could “make it to the church steps.” If that doesn’t convince you to listen, the music video (above) features Kanye “riding” a motorcycle in front of a green screen while a topless Kim lets her hair billow around in the wind. Welcome to “the new uncanny.”
Has Kanye always addressed his relationships in song? “Kanye has never shied away from shining a light on his true emotions toward the women in his life, for better or worse,” the folks at Revolt write in a quick review of his romantic history in his music. In fact, his 2008 album 808s & Heartbreak was recorded in the wake of his ended engagement with then-fiancée Alexis Phifer. Perhaps Yeezy fans can look forward to a cheerful album documenting his marital bless whenever the rapper decides to release his Yeezus follow-up.
Wait, didn’t they get married already? As far as the media knows, the answer is no. There were rumors that the two had tied the knot earlier this month in a secret Los Angeles ceremony designed to take care of marriage license logistics ahead of their European nuptials. But PEOPLE, citing a source close to the family, said such reports were false.
Where is it happening? Here’s something to fuel your frequent-flyer envy: The wedding weekend will begin in Paris, France, but the actual ceremony will take place in Florence, Italy, which is just a quick, casual private jet flight across international borders, no big deal. Earlier this month, Kanye opened up to an Italian newspaper about his love of the city: “To tell you the truth, I already came to the banks of the Amo [river] with Kim last year, just the two of us, incognito…I think that our daughter North was conceived here among the Renaissance masterpieces.”
Let them eat cake! While their guests are in Paris, Kimye have organized a private tour of the Palace of Versailles, where the two had reportedly hoped to wed until the Parisian landmark shut them down.
Who will be at the wedding? Kim’s family, which includes sisters Kourtney and Khloe, brother Rob, mom Kris Jenner, stepdad Bruce Jenner, half-sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner and her maternal grandma, who’s already shown up on Instagram. Us Weekly reports that tennis star Serena Williams, John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, Scottie Pippen, Q-Tip, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis and La La and Carmelo Anthony are all attending. Vogue’s André Leon Talley is going, but Anna Wintour, who put the couple on the cover of her magazine with the hashtag #worldsmosttalkedaboutcouple, is reportedly not. E! says to expect Ciara, who attended Kim’s bridal shower, and possibly Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, who was one of the first mortals allowed in the presence of Kimye’s 11-month old daughter North “Nori” West.
Okay, but what about the children? If you’re worried about who will entertain North while her parents celebrate lavishly, HollywoodLife.com says not to fear — none other than Blue Ivy Carter, flawless spawn of Beyoncé and Jay Z, will be in town for the ceremony along with her parents. Expect North to sit there and sleep and cry and drool and do whatever precious 11-month-olds do while Blue silently fumes about not getting to be the flower girl (as far as we know).
Will Kanye still love Kim when she’s no longer young and beautiful? Who knows, but according to one British tabloid, Kanye reportedly offered Lana Del Rey a six-figure payment to get her to perform her Great Gatsby soundtrack contribution at the wedding after she apparently turned him down initially. It’s unclear why Lana wouldn’t want to take part in such a historic event considering her obsession with America’s most iconic symbols — what’s more iconic than being the #worldsmosttalkedaboutcouple?